The Power of Attention, Appreciation, and Affirmation

Better Relationships Start with Effective Communication.

Sometimes, you meet people at work or church and feel like you’ll never have any connection with them. I felt that way about Jason the first time I met him.

He seemed like a decent enough guy, and we shared an interest in classic cars, but something about him made me want to avoid him.

It took me about two weeks to figure it out. It was how Jason spoke to people. He was unaware of some bad habits that created a barrier with others.

What were these bad habits? First, there was his demeanor. He seldom looked anyone in the eye. Also, he tended to challenge almost any comment. His favorite and most annoying comment was, “Why would you say that?”

Also, he was a story-topper. He would use any story as a launch pad for one of his bigger and better stories on a similar topic. All conversational roads led back to Jason.

Jason’s lack of communication skills was killing his relationship with me and others in the office, making me inventory my communication patterns.

I knew that poor communication skills harm personal relationships, but I quickly discovered that they also considerably impact the workplace. Statistics gathered from both executives and employees reveal that 86% of workplace failures are caused by poor communication.

Three pillars of effective communication can enhance communication and relationships. Anyone can implement them to improve the quality of their personal life and career.

Harnessing Attention: The First Pillar of Meaningful Dialogue

“Look at me!” You hear those exact words from children and in different forms of speech and behavior from everyone else. Everyone wants attention from those they value, and there is no exception to that.

Getting attention takes a lot of work. It doesn’t matter if you are a company spending hundreds of millions on advertising, an organization seeking donations, an unappreciated spouse, or a lonely child. Yet getting or giving undivided attention is difficult in our world, which seems driven by distractions.

One of the best ways to get attention is to give it. It is a way of giving and getting respect. The best way to do that is to listen to others.

Active listening is more than a skill; it’s a goodwill gesture. It goes beyond merely hearing the words. It’s about comprehending and engaging with the underlying messages. Active listening shouts, “You matter. I care about what you are saying.” The best ways to be an active listener are simple:

Make eye contact. Block distractions. The highest compliment you can give someone today is to say, “Let me silence my phone while we talk, okay?” Also, your body language should communicate that you are fully engaged — lean slightly forward, nod occasionally, and react genuinely to what’s being said.
Reflect and clarify. You can reflect by paraphrasing what has been said to ensure understanding or ask clarifying questions if something is unclear. For example, you might say, “So, what I’m hearing is…” or “Could you elaborate on…?” This sounds like a professional therapist, doesn’t it? That’s because they are trained to be active listeners. You do not need to pretend to reflect and clarify; it can and should be a regular part of any conversation.
Resist the urge to interrupt. It’s natural to want to chime in, especially if you have strong feelings about the topic. However, it’s crucial to resist this urge and allow the speaker to express themselves fully before you respond. Interruptions can derail the flow of conversation and may cause the speaker to feel unheard or dismissed.

Appreciation: The Second Pillar of Effective Communication

Appreciation in communication is akin to sunlight in nature — it nurtures growth and fosters a sense of value. When we express appreciation, we are essentially recognizing the worth and effort of others.

Most people are at a loss when it comes to showing appreciation. Here are three practical things anyone can implement:

Give verbal acknowledgment. Expressing gratitude or appreciation verbally is a straightforward and powerful way to acknowledge someone’s efforts or actions. “You helped me understand the issue,” or even a sincere “thank you” is vital to effective communication.
Follow up with written notes. Send an email to express your appreciation for the conversation, even if it had negative elements. If you want to make a huge impact these days, take the time to put pen to paper and write a note or a letter to express your appreciation. People do not forget that kind of thoughtfulness.
Do an act of kindness. Actions speak louder than words. Performing a thoughtful act of kindness in return is a tangible way to express appreciation. This could be anything from helping with a task, giving a small gift, or spending quality time together.
When we show appreciation, we build trust. That is the foundation of open and honest communication.

Affirmation: The Pillar of Authentic Communication

Affirmation is the mirror that reflects the value of the interaction and the individuals involved. It’s about validating the thoughts, feelings, and contributions of others. It is the kind of positive reinforcement that builds confidence and makes people feel they are part of the family or team.

The way we affirm others in conversations falls into three main categories:

Validation Affirmations. Validating the feelings or experiences of the person you are communicating with demonstrates empathy and understanding. Simple phrases like “I understand how you feel” or “I’ve felt the same” can make a significant difference.

Acknowledging the other person’s perspective or emotions creates a space for open and honest communication.

Encouragement Affirmations. Offering words of encouragement can boost the other person’s confidence and morale. You don’t want to blow smoke, however. You must be sincere. Phrases such as “You’re doing a great job” or “I believe in you” can be uplifting.

These kinds of statements show your support and belief in the person’s abilities, which can, in turn, positively impact the situation and the relationship.

Appreciation Affirmations. Expressing appreciation for someone or their efforts contributes to a positive communication environment. Simple affirmations like “I appreciate your effort” or “Thank you for being here” show that you value the person regardless of the issue. These affirmations create a positive atmosphere, making conversations more meaningful.

When individuals feel validated, they are more likely to engage in meaningful discussions and share their insights freely.

Creating a culture of affirmation requires a shift in perspective — it’s about fostering a supportive environment where people are free to express their ideas, hopes, and concerns.

Let Good Communication Be Your Secret to Success

You can put anger and arguments in the past by integrating the pillars of Attention, Appreciation, and Affirmation into your conversations. You will not need to dread challenging encounters or topics. You will be able to listen carefully and act wisely.

This skill will enable you to handle the toxic communications you face. Significantly, it will also enhance the conversations you enjoy.