Sexual intimacy outside marriage is problematic. Biblical insight in reply to a reader’s question.
The Question
A divorced woman had a straightforward question: She said, “I am a recently divorced woman in my late 40’s. A few single women and I have been trying to find a Scripture that says that sex before marriage is a sin.
The only things we came up with had to do with adultery or sex with a prostitute. Can you give me the passage that says premarital sex is a sin?”
My Insight
When I first read this question, I thought of the famous comic actor of a bygone era, W.C. Fields. He had a reputation for being hard-hearted and said all sorts of outrageous things, though they say he was really a soft-hearted person.
For example, he once said, “Anyone who hates small dogs and children can’t be all bad.”
Of his heavy drinking, he said, “Back in my rummy days, I would tremble and shake for hours upon arising. It was the only exercise I got.”
You get the picture of the sort of person he was.
It is said that during his last days, a friend walked into his hospital room and was shocked to see Fields reading a Bible. The friend asked if he was finally getting religion. Fields replied, “No, I’m just looking for loopholes.”
When people are searching the Scriptures to see whether it can be proved that sex before marriage is a sin, it seems to me they, too, are looking for loopholes. Of course, I don’t blame anyone for looking, but they should know what they’re looking for.
Some Helpful Definitions
By definition, adultery is: “voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband.”
Fornication is: “consensual sexual intercourse between two persons not married to each other”—which includes premarital sex, of course. (Both definitions from Webster).
Don’t be confused when you see “adultery” and “fornication” used interchangeably sometimes in the Bible. There really are two different New Testament Greek words underlying the differing concepts of adultery and fornication.
Some translations do not use the proper Greek words as they should be. For example, Colossians 3:5 in the KJV says, “Mortify therefore your members which are upon the earth; fornication, uncleanness, inordinate affection, evil concupiscence, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”
The ESV says it with greater clarity: “Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.”
It is the same underlying Greek word for unmarried people having sex—one place called fornication (New Testament Greek: porneia), the other translated as sexual immorality. Same thing.
Adultery is sexual immorality, too, but it is just a different Greek word (moicheuo). It carries the connotation of intercourse between married people. Moicheuo is good unless you engage with someone other than your marriage partner.
The Scripture Passages You Could Not Find
The Bible teaches that sex outside marriage is immoral. Put more clearly, sexual relations with anyone other than your spouse opposes God’s plan for you and all other humans (Genesis 1:26-28).
The Bible is clear that a spouse is the opposite gender (biological man and woman) in passages like the Genesis passage above, Leviticus 18:22, 1 Corinthians 6:9, and in other places.
The idea that sex outside marriage is wrong is difficult for some Christians to accept today when sexual promiscuity is so common in society. But being chaste solves a lot of problems; broken relationships, sexually transmitted diseases, abortion, and the emotional pain and depression that result.
Here are a few New Testament passages that speak against sexual relations outside marriage, whether it is called adultery or fornication:
- Matthew 5:27-28
- Matthew 15:19
- 1 Corinthians 6:18
- Hebrews 13:4
- Galatians 5:19
- Colossians 3:5
- 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5
There are many more passages because sex outside marriage has plagued people since the dawn of time. Christians are not immune from temptation. However, these Scriptures should offer you and your friends a starting point to understand what God thinks about sexual intercourse outside the bonds of marriage.
What Does This Mean To You?
Sexual immorality is always a heavy burden on the human soul. People do it because of inner urges and often because it’s fun. Yet, many things that meet this criteria are not suitable for us spiritually, and it is a sin to us.
The Apostle James hits the nail on the head when he says, “Whoever knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, for him it is sin” (James 4:17). We know the “good” is to refrain from sexual immorality whether you call it porneia or moicheuo, “adultery,” “fornication, “premarital sex,” or “playing around.”
The urge itself is not destructive, however. That’s why Paul says, in 1 Corinthians 7, that it is better to marry rather than “burn” (with passion). Any desire you have for sexual activity should be channeled in the right direction.
Find a good Christian man, get married, and pay lavish attention to each other inside and outside the bedroom. God wants to bless couples, even the second time around, and you should seek his blessing.
Sources cited: Unless otherwise noted, Bible quotations are from the English Standard Version (ESV).
This article was adapted from my book, The Will of God for Christian Relationships. In it, I give my biblical insight into unusual, far-ranging questions readers have asked me.
